I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
