And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
