how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
