Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
