broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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