Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
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