how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
