Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
