He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
