I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
