I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
