We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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