You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
