Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
