dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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