oh fat girl friday strikes again...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
