Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
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Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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