i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
operation harelip BJ is a go
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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