I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
