The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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