He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
