Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
