Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize