It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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