Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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