Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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