so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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