You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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