I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Operation Purity has been aborted
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
