I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
