Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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