normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
