Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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