Have you finally orgasmed yet?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
