I CAN MOONWALK!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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