It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
