One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
