Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
