He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
