I'm so fucking centered right now
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Randomize
