Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
