I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
