do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
