oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You left your underwear on the fireplace
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
