i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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