I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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