i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
