Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
