Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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