when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
