That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
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You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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