I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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