I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
