he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
