$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
