I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I love you.
Bad choice
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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