Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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