i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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