Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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