then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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