u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
