You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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