i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
