Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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