you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
As shirtless as possible
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
ok first of all what the fuck
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
