I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
